


in my dream world (i'm still your dream girl)

by ze_z_zi



Series: Trainer Ze [4]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Communication, Discussions of sex, F/M, Fluff, Self-Indulgent, Sex Repulsion, i wrote this for no one but myself, it's full of my personal headcanons about raihan's family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24674608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ze_z_zi/pseuds/ze_z_zi
Summary: She knows Raihan would never hurt her, he’s been so gentle and loving, letting her lead their relationship which ironically leads to Ze handing the reins to Raihan more often than not. That kindness is what makes telling Raihan about her undesirable qualities so nerve wracking, she doesn’t want to let him down and she thinks telling him that she does not want sex right now will disappoint him.ORZe has to have a conversation about one of her trauma responses.
Relationships: Kibana | Raihan/Original Character(s), Kibana | Raihan/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Trainer Ze [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582903
Kudos: 11





	in my dream world (i'm still your dream girl)

**Author's Note:**

> hey, I don't want to force you to read how much fic I've written for my OC so...very long story short; Ze was sexually abused at a young age, then during her gym challenge which causes some people to develop a complicated relationship to sex.   
> there's no mentions of her assault, it's really just her and Raihan having an open conversation.

It seems like whatever trouble comes is always her fault. 

Being with Raihan is a dream come true, the way he loves her shining through everything he does with and for her. His love is in the conversations he carries when she’s nonverbal, always making sure to include her in his day, knowing that she craves his attention even when she does her best to hide herself away. How he takes every loss in stride, never pitying her when he finds out another common experience was robbed from her by abuse and her trauma responses, by years of untreated mental illness, showing only excitement at being able to be by her side the first time she drank coffee, or learning that he had been her first kiss or that she had never danced with someone. The weirdest one being that Ze had never eaten barbeque before and Raihan’s family had rectified that themselves, inviting Ze to a cookout attended by only his parents and sisters. Raihan swore he didn’t tell his mother and father, but it was hard to ignore their expectant gazes when she first ate ribs and Raihan’s father holding back any gushy comments as Ze held her piece with napkins, not wanting to dirty her hands. It had been disappointing when she didn’t like the texture, looking at Raihan after a few seconds of chewing with a squeamish expression on her face. He insisted that she did not need to apologize to his father, that the man had four children and all of them had been picky at one point in their lives. 

“Pops can take a loss, babe. He and Mum held down Hammerlocke too long for this to bother ‘em!” He told her when they headed back into the house, volunteering to get drinks and refills for everyone. Ms. Rashida had hesitated, hearing her son’s girlfriend offer to perform labor under her roof, but seemed to settle when she caught a look from Raihan. 

He always managed to wash away her shame and embarrassment with his sheer enthusiasm at being the one to show her what she had missed and helping her catch up with no one but her own wishes. This...isn’t a new learning experience, though. It’s going to be a lesson in patience for the both of them, something that last season’s challenge proved that neither of them are too good at. She knows Raihan would never hurt her, he’s been so gentle and loving, letting her lead their relationship which ironically leads to Ze handing the reins to Raihan more often than not. That kindness is what makes telling Raihan about her undesirable qualities so nerve wracking, she doesn’t want to let him down and she thinks telling him that she does not want sex right now will disappoint him. 

Honestly, Ze hoped it would be a few more months before she hit this wall, wanting to ride out their honeymoon phase a bit longer especially since a chunk of it was taken up by this year’s gym challenge. With how frequently they’ve been having sex, her sudden episode of repulsion is terrifying, but she knows she can't hide this or wait for it come up naturally. If she waits for Raihan to hit on her, make any sort of advance, she won’t be able to say no, even if she isn’t in the mood and Raihan does not deserve that. Just like her, Raihan deserves open and honest communication. 

And that kind of communication is so much easier for her when they’re out in the open. It’s risky meeting outside of their homes or Raihan’s gym. While they no longer have to worry about any real scandal rising from the underage Champion harboring a crush on the dragon leader, and his guilty reciprocation, even though they planned to never act until she reached legal age and a healthier mindset for any kind of romantic relationship, the paparazzi is still something they’d rather avoid. Nonetheless, Raihan was happy to meet with her at one of the many cozy little cafes scattered about his city.

It’s a slow time of day where Ze chose to meet. That was the whole point of meeting at four in this district, most places get off at six, leaving them ample time to talk before the post work crowd can flood Hammerlocke’s cobbled streets. Regardless, the young Champion keeps her eyes peeled for any shady figures, people whose faces are growing familiar, anyone that could be with any publications. She shouldn’t be waiting outside the cafe for Raihan, it only increases her chances of being recognized, but she doesn’t want to sit and wait by herself, she never does.

Spotting her boyfriend is easy, what with him being tree height and standing well above any passersby. He cannot blend into crowds where she can, so Ze is not the only person to notice him, a group of young teens spotting him and rushing over, asking for photos and autographs. Despite the disruption, Ze can’t help but smile, always in awe of how well Raihan does with his fans, no matter their age. It’s not long before they’re heading off, waving goodbye to their gym leader as Raihan walks over to where Ze is waiting for him. 

Raihan greets her with a quick kiss, plain and simple, yet it manages to make her melt, her eyes fluttering closed at the soft intimacy between the two of them. Already he’s made her world fall away, leaving her skin tingling with electricity as if he’d used Nuzzle against her. She found herself leaning forward, pushing up onto her toes as her boyfriend pulled back, chuckling at her eagerness. 

“Hey now, maybe later, Miss Champion. If I recall, someone has something they need to tell me?” His words are playful, but his tone shifts during his sentence, all traces of playfulness gone, leaving a cold seriousness in its wake. 

Ze smiles, but he doesn’t. Raihan’s brow only furrows with worry, his lips deepening into a frown. She panics, eyes widening and ducks her head down, the scuffed toes of her platforms more interesting that those sapphire hues staring through every wall she’s built. There used to be a day when those walls were perfect, her smiles bright enough to throw people off and her shoulders relaxed to a point that surely nothing could be bothering her. Only in a matter of weeks, Raihan managed to break all of that, making Ze confront herself and build a proper foundation for her problems, not to hide them, but to fix them. She can’t stop herself from flinching when he slips her hand into his even though she watched him do it. He doesn’t pull away, he doubles down, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand, wanting to comfort his girlfriend. 

“Let’s grab a table and we can take as long as you need, yeah?”

She nods, tightening her hold on his hand and allows him to guide her to a table as she doesn’t look up, focusing on counting the tiles that pass her dark boots. She does not look at Raihan when she takes her seat, quickly setting her hands on the table for him to take once more, smiling when he does. 

They have only been together for about eight months now, two of those months spent away from one another with Raihan shacked up in Hammerlocke awaiting the year’s flood of challengers and Ze kind of all over the place, doing her best collecting gym reports, securing dens and the routes and other duties that came with her title. It’s been wonderfully busy, Leon’s decade long run as Champion is legendary, but it came with a steadily dwindling number of challengers as the years passed with Raihan being the only person in the region that could give the man a run for his money. Gym leaders have been buzzing with excitement as more and more challengers pass through the gyms, Ze’s takeover sparking a new flame in this generation of trainers. Leon and Xiao surely could do without the mountains of paperwork, though, Ze believes.

Either way, despite those two lost months, Raihan knows her well and knows her orders at their usual places. At this cafe, Ze likes their matcha latte, extra sweet, and their almond croissants. Admittedly, Raihan had to convince Ze to have a taste of the croissant when he had ordered it once, only for her to fall in love with the pastry and order it exclusively whenever they come here. There was no influence on his part when it came to her drink order, however, the Hoenn native already familiar with matcha and curious to try a Galarian cafe’s spin on it in a latte of all things. Sure, Kabu gave her a funny look when she mentioned it after he asked about her date with Raihan over dinner that night long ago, but he was happy she found something else she liked, praising her for her broadening horizons regarding food beyond simple dishes from their culture. And grilled cheese. Okay, really anything with copious amounts of cheese. 

Raihan graciously waits until their orders are up to ask her about their sudden date. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you,” He follows up his words with another gentle brush of his thumbs over the thin skin of her knuckles, a smile tugging at his lips when he gets a shiver out of her. “But your text seemed rather...serious, love.”

Ze looks up at him finally, her brows turning up when she catches the worry in his eyes. She squeezes his hand reassuringly, happy to see him perk up and relax at her gesture. She takes a sip of her latte, savoring the harsh burn along her tongue before dragging the burnt skin against her teeth. Ze takes a deep breath and holds it, counting the seconds to ten. Usually, she only counts to five, but she needs to steel her nerves quite a bit before facing Raihan. Pretending she’s about to head out on the pitch helps, but this isn’t a battle, not a struggle of two wills. Or at least it shouldn’t be. 

“Is…sex important to you, Raihan?” 

Ze’s picking apart her words immediately, how she should have asked  _ ‘how important is it’ _ instead, that she shouldn’t have used his whole name and that he’ll think he’s done something wrong or isn’t satisfying her somehow. She knows Raihan has some hangups about performing, always striving to please her before himself, sometimes flat out refusing acts that he thinks won’t excite her. 

“Ze,” A deep sigh. Oh no. “I don’t know what you’re ‘bout to ask me, but sex isn’t too important. We make a big deal about being together, but honestly? If you asked me to, I could wait until our wedding night for you.”

Oh. 

“Oh,” She had been prepared for a worse answer than that. That he’d admit that it was some kind of requirement to be with him, putting out as often as she has been. “I, that…makes this easier, then.”

He quirks his brow, not wanting to interrupt Ze, lest she lose what courage she had summoned to talk so candidly about their sex life. He can’t help but wonder what’s up, her body language has been tense this whole time. He’d say it was as if she was preparing to battle, but really, Ze’s way more relaxed when she’s about to head out onto the pitch, battling becoming like a second nature to her these days. Honest communication? Not so much.

She picks up that he’s waiting for her and pushes on after closing her eyes to collect herself once more. 

“I have these…periods of no sexual attraction.” He fights the urge to raise his brows, not wanting to give Ze the wrong idea, not wanting to risk her misinterpreting his surprise for something worse. “I still love you and I’ll still want to do it, but…”

Ze trails off, closing her eyes once more as she searches for the words, putting the same kind of effort she puts into her team builds or trying to remember where she left her wallet. 

“Ugh, I don’t know! I just…I won’t be into it for a while, it may be only a few days or a couple of months, I can never tell. I wanted to tell you so you didn’t get the wrong idea.”

A soft smile spreads across his face as he takes in the sight of his girlfriend. Her eyes are open, but she isn’t looking at him, her gaze tossed to the floor as her cheeks burn with either shame or embarrassment at her confession. It would be endearing if Raihan didn’t see tears gathering at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. 

“I’m sorry…”

That is what snaps him out of his haze. 

“Don’t apologize, Ze.” She’s shocked as she looks back at him. Fuck, what did she expect from him? “I told you that night and every night after that we take this at  _ your  _ pace. Even if that pace is a standstill, I don’t mind. I’ll do anything, as long as you’re comfortable.”

Ze opens her mouth, a flash of white slipping between her blackened lips, only for her to close them. He gives her the chance to get her words together even though there’s so much he wants to say to her. He commits every piece of praise and reassurance he has for her to memory, determined to tell her every bit of it. 

“You shouldn’t say that.” Her voice is small, barely a whisper, he strains to cling to every word falling from her lips. “I…this shouldn’t only be about me, Rai. A relationship involves two people, you have needs, don’t you?”

“Of course I have needs, Ze, but those will never come before you and your comfort. It’s not only about you, seeing you happy is just as much for me as it is for you.” Arecus, he hopes he’s making sense to her, because honestly, he isn’t sure where he’s going with this. All he knows is that he wants Ze to feel better, to know that his love isn’t reliant upon sex. “I mean, I have two hands, but only one you.”

She laughs at that, loud and incredulous.

“I can’t, oh my Lord, I cannot  _ believe  _ that you just said that.” She laughs harder and harder, but she doesn’t let go, doesn’t pull her hands from his. He smiles, letting her joy wash over him, taking immense pleasure in making her relax so thoroughly, even if for a moment. 

“This was supposed to be a serious conversation, Raihan.”

“It still can be.” He says with a shrug. 

“No this…this was enough. I know you won’t accept it-”

“Then don’t say it.”

“But  _ thank you _ , Rai. It, It means so much to me that you l-love me, for some reason.” 

“Well, Ze, I can always remind you of how much I love you~” He gives her a cheeky wink. Maybe a couple months ago he would have worried about pushing a boundary with her, but he knows his Champion can withstand some ribbing from him. 

She sighs and shakes her head, playing up any tiredness on her part. “What did I just say, Raihan?”

“Oh, Ze, if you think I need sex to show you how much I love you, you’ve got another thing coming.”

He proves his point by spoiling her rotten, feeding Ze her almond croissant piece by piece, no matter what token resistance Ze puts up, and kissing away any powdered sugar her lips catch, joking about how she tastes plenty sweet without the sugar. It’s cheesy, but god does it get a laugh out of her. She shoves him playfully, teasing him about his jokes and he does nothing but nuzzle against her cheek, breathing in her floral perfume as he does. 

Soon enough, they leave the cafe and wander through the emptying streets of Hammerlocke. Raihan talks for her to listen, telling her about his day, what the dragons and his trainer have gotten up to, sometimes slipping in a fact or two about Hammerlocke as they pass by especially historical places and she eats it up. She can never get enough of him and his thoughts and words, nothing sating the lasting hunger she has for her rival. Ze stares at their hands, how she can only wrap her hand around his index and middle finger due to how great their size difference is and thinks that it was awfully silly of her to worry that their honeymoon phase was coming to an end. 

Bathed in the soft orangey glow of the sunset, staring at the dying light thrown across Hammerlocke’s ramparts, she realizes what Raihan said back in the cafe. 

Ze looks up at Raihan, pink eyes wide in shock. “Our w-wedding night?”

**Author's Note:**

> if you got this far, please consider leaving a kudos or a comment!  
> feel free to come chill with me at my raihan shrine twitter: https://twitter.com/jockshrine


End file.
